Part of me is Missing

Going through a divorce has been the single most devastating thing to happen to me. It even trumps any funerals I've been to....at least the family funerals I've been to for my elderly relatives and yes, they were sad, but they lived full lives went to be with God.

For me, the process of this divorce has been like a death. Only worse. The depression, hurt, sadness, humiliation, grieving and anger are all emotions I feel on a daily basis.

This post is already sounding pretty morbid, but sometimes you have to talk about the messy parts of life too. This weekend has been painful and lonely and scary because the girls were with their father for the weekend. I thought I would be fine, get a lot done, go work out and get a little shopping done. Instead I mostly sat around in a bad mood, cried, watched too much TV and ate too much junk food.

I even attempted to put together a night stand for my daughters bedroom and was so frustrated I pretty much lost it. When I realized I didn't even know how to put the drill together, I broke down and threw it out the back door as far as i could throw. Not to mention I ran outside in my pink bathrobe with a shovel to pry open the shed in the freezing cold, search for the drill with no light and whack at the door...repeatedly. Paints a pretty picture, ha?

Anyway, when I finally found the drill and all of the parts I couldn't figure out how to put it together. Go figure, right? So I kind of lost it. I cried and threw the drill out the door and I cried some more.

I felt defeated. And alone. So very, very alone.

It was a breaking point for me...I didn't have my kids and I don't have my husband anymore. And never will. Ever. It was like a little part if me officially died last night.

Luckily I have the best friend ever and when her and her husband came over to get their pug, who I dog sat for over the weekend, they stayed for a few hours so I. Could just talk. About the divorce, how things are going, my hurt and most of all then rage I. Am feeling toward the man who left me and broke my family apart.

He broke me. Me, the happy shining person that I am. Or rather was. It's all of the little things like needing him here to run a stupid drill. Someone to laugh with...talk with...cry with...be hugged and held.

Well, he has chosen a different path now and I must accept that. Or rather, I need to pull myself together, pick myself up off the floor and carry on.

I can't even sign my post "love the Mrs." which was my fave thing to do. Anyway, have a good week y'all.

Luvs.

Really? It's Been That Kinda Week.

I've been working like a dog and my BFF just sent me this image which pretty much sums up my week. Working until 10 p.m. two nights in a row, then midnight last night. Good, meaning we have lots of work and are super busy...bad because then mamma doesn't get any sleep and I am crabby. I don't do well without a whole lotta sleep. Not well at all.....

Here is to a peaceful weekend with Milley the kitty and my BFF's cute little pug Dewey. Well, let's hope it's peaceful and I'm not breaking up any fights!

Milley the Kitty

I'm Milley, the sweetest kitty ever!

 We adopted! I am so excited to show off our perfect new kitty. Her name is Milley and she is a sweet little cuddle bug. The girls and I went to the rescue shelter yesterday and she looked at us with her beautiful green eyes and we knew we had to have her:) She is five months old, a calico, and very curious. She is our newest little family member and we love her to pieces. My husband always said he never wanted a cat in the house and since he has moved out, I need somebody to love me and be a companion. It sure gets lonely after a separation. He doesn't have a say anymore, thought, right? A little back handedness? For sure, but a little part of me is being vindictive and I don't give a crap what he thinks. That bus has left a long time ago! After all, she is my new "bed" mate and a damn better snuggler!

To Milley...

Me.

This is me, as I posted it several years ago. I love this image. Call it the wild hair. Sadly, neither one of my daughters inherited it, but maybe that was a blessing?

Oh, this is going to be so much fun! I love my writing and I have so much to say.....

Until tomorrow my lovelies:)

Love Rachel

I'm BACK!

To my blogging family, I have been absent for a year now, due to major life changes. It's been a wild journey and I have missed my writing and blogging friends.

Due to some major personal issues, I decided to delete my blog. It was an impulse, but something I had to do at the time. I searched in vain for a way to get my blog back, but after you have deleted it, it's gone for good.

So.

I am replicating it the best I can because I adore the layout, the style, the design, everything about it. The next few years of my life are going to be challenging, full of angst, sadness, bitterness, but most of all blazing a trail back to happiness.

I have decided to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and BEE CALM AND CARRY ON.

And to my surprise, I was able to get the exact same name back for my blog.

SuperMom is back. It's going to be stellar.

Love you all,
Rachel