Happy Easter people!!! It was a beautiful sunny day today and I'm grateful for many things. This was the first holiday I was not surrounded by my family and children, as they were with their father.
It was also the first Easter I did not attend church and I have some very mixed feelings about that. I just didn't have the strength to go by myself. I know I should feel loved and safe and full of faith in my congregation, but the thought of going alone and opening the floodgates just didn't appeal. I cry every time I go to church because I feel the pain and grief the most when I reflect in the sanctuary. And for selfish reasons, I wanted to be happy today and not flooded with grief or tears.
I am making such good progress lately and I'm healing. I have moved on and started to forgive myself for feeling so miserable and depressed. It was part of the grieving process and I'm feeling stronger and healthier every day. I also talked to a new friend last night who has gone through the exact same thing as me. He has such good advice and we were able to share our stories with a bit of uh our and laughter. I finally felt normal and really thought to myself...I can do this, I am not alone with my hurt, anger, grief, and feelings. I am ready to moveon I the next chapter of my life.
After our conversation, I think I was glowing. Oh yes indeed. So because of that, I felt great today and was able to spend the holiday by myself. He left me with a little something and it goes like this....
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Love you all.