Monday, February 20, 2012

Days Off

 It's not easy being Milley!

 We adore our kitty!

Aliyah (right) and friend Zoe on their playdate

Because it is our mighty Presidents day, the girls have the day off from school. I love these kind of days, which is another day off rolling from the weekend. It's makes it long and I feel like I got a lot done and finally feel rested. Love that feeling!

I like being able to get some work done around the house, snack on everything in site, get caught up on personal projects (wedding invites for a great friend), pay some bills, and catch up on my favorite blog sites which is usually only about once or twice a week. So it's like opening up a much anticipated magazine (Real Simple is my fav, along with Martha Stewart) and reading from cover to end.

The girls had a few play dates today which always makes the day that much more fun. Alex was picked up this morning by a friend and they went to the YMCA to play basketball, swim, and go to her friends house afterward. Aliyah and I also went to the Y to swim with her friends Zoe and Lily. Zoe came to our house afterward, I bought them lunch and after they snuggled on the couch to watch some TV and migrated to the floor to play some games. Now they are tearing up the house, chasing after Milley and I can hear them hooting on the saxophone.

Ahhh, children. They are such a blessing. My life feels so much more complete with my darling daughters and I thank Him everyday for them!!! Except when they are being sassy bad and stealing my fresh, perfect lipstick tubes.......

Friday, February 17, 2012

Rising Star

My darling daughter Alex had her artwork selected to be in a student art show for the Arts Alliance in Elk River. There was one piece per grade selected and hers was it. Yay! It's nice to know she has some creative juices like her mother. She tells me all the time she wants to be an artist like her mommy. I laugh and tell her all the time as long as she makes money and isn't a "starving" artist then that is fine with me. That girl is such a joy. But really, children are such a joy.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Journal Therapy

A very good friend of mine at work recently learned of my separation. She kept hugging me and telling me I was a strong person and so beautiful how dare he just up and leave me. Anyway, I was telling her about how I keep gathering all of these thoughts in my head for the day I am brave enough to finally tell him how I really feel about the whole situation.

For you see, every time I had a conversation with him during our rough times, I would be so anxious, panic filled and feeling desperate that I could never gather my thoughts and I would completely blank out. I wanted to write important things down, which would make him so angry. I could also barely get thru a conversation without sobbing and barely being able to cope, which again, he hated and would be so impatient with me.

I was telling my friend how now that I've come out of my fog and feel bitterness and rage and sadness that I someday want to express to him, she asked if I was writing those thoughts down so I wouldnt forget about them.

So when I got to work there was a beautiful journal at my desk, from my friend. This of course brought me to tears because of her thoughtfulness. It's so pretty in fact, I don't want to write hateful things in it, but it's all part of the process.

So, a little journal therapy is on the way for this gal and I'm hoping I am finally able to find those unspoken words I so desperately needed to say. For someday, they shall be said.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Double the Fun

Well, no wonder I have been so grumpy. Went to the Target clinic and found out I have a double ear infection.


Never ad one in my life and at the ripe old age of 33 got my first one.

And to make matters worse but call it mothers intuition...I took Alex in after I got off work (make that a hellish day of work)and yep, you guessed it.

She has a double ear infection too.

Double awesome.

I hope to feel better soon.


Thursday, February 2, 2012


I've been feeling sick and crummy...hence no energy to post. I even took Tuesday off to rest and feel better, which is something I never do. I worked late tonight and am now paying for it. I have a weird ear ache and can barely hear anything. Ug. No good.

My weepy state is still here and I fear it is here to stay awhile. I'm experiencing a large range of emotions, mostly missing my husband with such an intensity I hurt all over. Just writing this has made me tear up. It's still so fresh and painful and I feel it most when he has the girls for the night. I ask myself everyday why he threw me away with such coldness and no remorse. And I believe I finally have the answer...he was feeling so guilty that in order for him to survive it he had to harden his heart in order to survive his guilt and deal with my own pain, accusations and rage toward him.

I loved that boy boy deeply and I have to learn how to let go and move on. As hard as it may be I have to do it for my own sanity. I just wish there was a shortcut from all of the pain.

Until later my friends.