Friday, August 30, 2013

Fearless at Thirty-Five

I have it all...well...sorta. Because who really has it all together? Not this crazy single mom of two happy active normal girls! My life is a roller coaster...but a happy one at that:)

I'm dating one of the greatest guys I've ever met in my life. And surprise surprise he was right under my nose the entire time....delicate subject but we work together and I'm so happy with him. Amazing what a healthy normal relationship is like. I didn't ever have that with my ex husband and wowser...the difference is so remarkable! Its nice being taken care of (emotionally) for once and not have to be the life saver to someone who is needy, selfish and mentally ill. Because that my friends is severely draining.

So it's been a gigantic year for me. One of the milestones was getting healthy. And feeling good. Training for a marathon (coming up). Making sure my kids are ok. Receiving a few major awards at work. Dating. And turning thirty-five.

For this occasion, I wanted nothing more than to kick up my heels, have a shit ton of fun and celebrate with all of my closest friends. Which turned out to be about twenty people, at a country bar, lots of drinks and lots of dancing. It was everything i have ever wanted out of a birthday party and more. I was being selfish for me, wanting to be the center of attention and basically shouting out to the world - look at me! Look how HAPPY I am. Look how AMAZING I look and feel. It's all so good. So very very good. This is my life. Love it.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world,
Trusting that He will make all things right,
If I surrender to his will,
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

This prayer has been my constant companion for a year, thanks to a wonderful friend. I consider it a gift he gave me and I am so happy he did. This past Easter was one of my favorites. Ever. I got to spend it with my girls and going to church to worship was one of the best moments for me. I have come so far and I finally FINALLY feel connected to the big guy above. I feel as if He is finally listening and if I stay still long enough to reflect, I can feel Him and I do hear Him.

I hope everyone had a blessed Easter and or me, life is finally back on track.


Thursday, March 14, 2013

Happy Days

It has come to my attention that my blogging life is sorely lacking....again. Oh all right its just plain taken a back seat to all the madness that has become my life of late. Hey, no one ever said being a single mom to two beautiful girls was going to be easy. I have a job. Many jobs! Being a mommy is the most important one of course...endless hours of homework, play dates, sports, sleepovers, shopping trips and family time. Then there is a little matter of my full time design job, freelance work, volunteer and mentoring inner city kids and college students, training for triathlons and marathons and sometimes being a maid/cook/house keeper!

Whew! Even I'm tired after writing that and it is only the tip of the iceberg. But guess what? It is just plain awesome. I am at a point in my life where everything feels right. All is well, I am extremely happy, my kids are happy, my job is going well (kudo's to my award winning year so far:) and I have become involved in so many opportunities that would not have been possible had I still been married. Well, lets rephrase that...yes possible, but not something I would have been "allowed" to explore or volunteer for.

Needing to fill my time in when I was missing my kids, I decided to get off my ass and do something about it. Why not fill in the time with my second passion behind design and that is working with kids, big and small. So I found some great non profit organizations where I feel as if I really am making a difference in a childs life. Through guidance, patience, and my creative talents I have been able to foster the creativity and imaginations of inner city kids. And it's been amazing so far!

But back to that happiness...I never would have been able to find it had it not been for some amazing friends, a whole lot of self reflecting and forgiving. Yes, I had to forgive and forget and do it quickly. Otherwise I'd still be stuck and that is not a cool place to be.

The only thing that's missing is sharing my happiness with someone else. I'm totally ok with being on my own, after all it's been less than a year since the divorce was final.  But let me tell you, dating kinda sucks. I just want to fast forward through all the stuff in the beginning and be totally comfortable with someone. I don't know what the rules are, I can't stand being a serial dater and having all these dates lined up (who has time for that???). I just want a nice boy that enjoys who I am and who will be my partner in life and not try to dominate me again. And I'm really freaking scared that will happen yet again.

As for my broken life, dreams and heart I have found that time is a great healer. Its also allowed me to become the person I was meant to be....and reclaim who I used to be. I am such a better version of the person I was over the last 15 years because lets face it....little by little I lost that girl. She became lost in the demands and pressure of being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law and friend. Her voice, ideas, opinions and worth became lost on her quest to pleasing so many other people and not wanting to step on toes or anger anyone. She stopped compromising or fighting back and just kinda gave in.

That was SO not me and I see that now. I've busted out of my shell, have become super assertive and basically go after what I want and tell it like it is. I have become very opinionated again, I argue and get MY point of view across and let my voice be heard. My ex husband loves to tell me I've become a major bitch....well no sorry hun but I've become a strong confident woman who will not listen to or put up with your bullshit and bullying ways. I say that with a large smile on my face because it is So. TRUE.

Well, I always have a lot to say and this is just the tip of the iceberg! Stay tuned for my love life gone wild, I'm sure I will have some totally awesome stories to share in the coming months and years. I already have some totally great and not so great horror dating stay tuned my friends. And since it's already almost midnight, her is a shout out to my BEST FRIEND in the whole wide world, miss Lindsey. Your my rock babe...and STILL older than me:)