Sick

I've been feeling sick and crummy...hence no energy to post. I even took Tuesday off to rest and feel better, which is something I never do. I worked late tonight and am now paying for it. I have a weird ear ache and can barely hear anything. Ug. No good.

My weepy state is still here and I fear it is here to stay awhile. I'm experiencing a large range of emotions, mostly missing my husband with such an intensity I hurt all over. Just writing this has made me tear up. It's still so fresh and painful and I feel it most when he has the girls for the night. I ask myself everyday why he threw me away with such coldness and no remorse. And I believe I finally have the answer...he was feeling so guilty that in order for him to survive it he had to harden his heart in order to survive his guilt and deal with my own pain, accusations and rage toward him.

I loved that boy boy deeply and I have to learn how to let go and move on. As hard as it may be I have to do it for my own sanity. I just wish there was a shortcut from all of the pain.

Until later my friends.