A very good friend of mine at work recently learned of my separation. She kept hugging me and telling me I was a strong person and so beautiful how dare he just up and leave me. Anyway, I was telling her about how I keep gathering all of these thoughts in my head for the day I am brave enough to finally tell him how I really feel about the whole situation.
For you see, every time I had a conversation with him during our rough times, I would be so anxious, panic filled and feeling desperate that I could never gather my thoughts and I would completely blank out. I wanted to write important things down, which would make him so angry. I could also barely get thru a conversation without sobbing and barely being able to cope, which again, he hated and would be so impatient with me.
I was telling my friend how now that I've come out of my fog and feel bitterness and rage and sadness that I someday want to express to him, she asked if I was writing those thoughts down so I wouldnt forget about them.
So when I got to work there was a beautiful journal at my desk, from my friend. This of course brought me to tears because of her thoughtfulness. It's so pretty in fact, I don't want to write hateful things in it, but it's all part of the process.
So, a little journal therapy is on the way for this gal and I'm hoping I am finally able to find those unspoken words I so desperately needed to say. For someday, they shall be said.